Emoni Bates highlights insane MSU recruiting class: In un-related news, we should just preemptively cancel the 2021 season CBB Season, due to COVID… Not because of MSU’s incoming talent.

Are you shitting me?

It was one of those “where were you” type moments when Bates committed to MSU… For most people (like 99.99% of the human population), this was just another day, but not for me.

I absolutely despise MSU, Tom Izzo, and most of all, their entire fanbase… So when this kid from Ypsilanti (2 minute drive from Ann Arbor), hailed as the next “Kevin Durant”, (1) committed to MSU, I was in shambles.

  1. I have seen Bates play and he is for sure the real deal, but I knew that before I ever even saw him dribble a ball. Last year, when I was covering one of his games, it required a police escort to get me into the packed gymnasium… People had been lined up outside the gym since noon, looking for tickets to a game that wasn’t scheduled until 7:30. They sold out at 12:30 and when I got there, there still was over 100 people crowding around the door, looking to get into the game. I can’t imagine what it must have been like when LeBron was in high school.

June 29th, 2020.

That day and this stupid announcement, stick with me the same way the “trouble with the snap” play does, or how I imagine the anniversary of Pearl Harbor sticks with the soldiers who were stationed in Hawaii at the time and survived… Yes, it’s that serious. This day will live on in infamy.

Bates committed to MSU that day, essentially turning the next two years of my life (one year of hype, then one year of dominance on the court at MSU) into my own personal Hell-on-Earth. Which, by the way, might not even end after two years, because if Bates is everything he’s cracked up to be, MSU is going to win the Big Ten, make the final four, and then win Tom Izzo his second National Championship in April.

I can envision it all now:

Bates and Izzo cutting down the nets in the New Orleans Superdome, while MSU fans rejoice.

Meanwhile, my family and friends will be cutting down me down from the rope I tied to my basement ceiling.

I hate everything about this video, even the music… Why was “I got a feeling” a hit song? the late 2000’s were a weird time for all of us. I may or may not have been reading the Twilight books during that period of time. 😅

To make matters even worse, Bates’ commitment brought in pretty much every other five-star recruit on the Rivals website, ala Juwan Howard’s recruitment of the Fab-Five… “As an appetizer, the Spartans landed a commitment from 4-star 2021 guard Pierre Brooks out of Detroit Douglass back in April. And then, in less than one month stretching from June 29 to July 28, MSU landed two 5-star players: 2021 guard Max Christie, (and) 2022 center Enoch Boakye” (LSJ). (2)

2. I know nothing about these guys, but because they are putting on the MSU jersey, they are now my sworn enemies.

The thing that really pisses me off is that this team is going to be getting called stupid names like the “Fab Five 2.0” and shit like that. Plus, they are going to be all over ESPN, the newspapers, and the local news because of Bates. Remember what it was like when Zion was on Duke? (3) Yeah, now imagine that, but it’s going to be MSU with all the national spotlight.

3. I still can’t believe MSU was the one who bounced Zion’s Duke… The “we ended Zion’s college career” tweets still keep me up at night.

This team is going to unavoidable for the entire CBB season and probably unbeatable as well. They are without a doubt going to absolutely manhandle Michigan this year and the repercussions are going to be felt long after Bates leaves for the NBA.

Because ESPN is ESPN and they will milk everything they can out of Bates and MSU, kids all across the country are going to fall in love with MSU… So don’t worry, even if Bates doesn’t deliver a title, MSU is going to dominate both in-state and out out-of-state recruiting for the next 10 years. All because this 17-year-old-kid decided he didn’t want to stay home and play for Michigan, or play overseas, or play for literally anyone else in the country, my life is ruined.


Bates goes pro. (Please god, I don’t wish for much, just give me this one thing and I’ll never complain about the Detroit Lions sucking or Jim Harbaugh being unable to beat OSU ever again).

Ironically, the new NBA rule that will no longer force kids to wait a year before entering the NBA Draft fresh out of high school will be in effect by the time Bates graduates high school. “I can’t wait for Bates to become the first prep-to-pro pick and new poster kid of the boys-among-men era that is surely ahead of us—again and once for all,” (SB Nation).


The potential heartbreak that awaits MSU fans and Tom Izzo is the only thing keeping me going nowadays… If Bates decides to opt of the college basketball season and go straight to the pros, despite his commitment to MSU… I’ll be the first one to pull out my couch and burn it.

If by some stroke of genius, he does end up pulling a fast one on MSU, not only would he become my favorite player of all-time, but my life would be complete and god could take me from this Earth and I wouldn’t complain once, because I would have truly lived.

However, it seems that Bates is 100% committed to MSU, despite the rule change for some damn reason… So that kinda sucks.

Buuuuttttt if Bates decides he does want to go live in East Lansing for a year and deal with this kinda shit, while turning down millions of dollars and the first pick in the NBA draft in the process, then I wish him the best of luck… (4)

4. And from everything I’ve read, it seems that Bates is 100% committed to MSU, regardless of the rule change … So that kinda sucks. We can still hope, right?

But for real though, Emoni if you are reading this, whatever they are paying you to play for MSU, I can match it. It might take me an entire lifetime to amass that type of wealth, but I would happily forward you every paycheck I made for the rest of my life if I knew it meant that you weren’t going to play for MSU. That one moment of pure ecstasy when you de-committed from MSU would be a worth a lifetime of work in my eyes. Just think about it, okay? Plus, some people say Izzo isn’t the best at developing NBA talent or something like that too… Just food for thought.

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