I am short. I stand at only 5 feet and six inches, 5-7 if you let me wear tennis shoes, and 5-7.5 if I am lucky enough to be wearing my basketball shoes. (1) Kyler Murray is not short. The average height of American males is 5-9 (2), the same as Murray, yet people want to call him “short”… It’s unfair and unjust.
- It’s bullshit how basketball players are measured with their shoes on at the NBA Combine. In 2012, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist measured in at 6-7 with shoes on, but without he was only 6-4. What was he wearing high heels?
- THIS SEEMS PREPOSTEROUSLY HIGH, but I digress.
The reason I cannot stand for this is the same reason that Kelly Kapoor felt the need to stand up for “Hillary Swank’s hotness” in the Office.
Because if Murray is considered a midget, then what does that make me?
I personally don’t give a shit about my height or lack thereof, but it seems to be what every girl wants on social media and what every NFL GM wants in their quarterback.
The original goal of this blog was to defend Murray from hate he’s undoubtedly going to receive from the media at the combine the next few days… But there is a bigger problem that needs to be addressed.
What is it with the slander against shorter guys? Why are shorter girls praised and shorter guys shit on? It’s hypocritical (3)and I won’t stand for it. Us midgets can’t control our heights or hand sizes… Or penis sizes for that matter, but it seems to be all that girls care about nowadays.
I remember my freshman year of high school, I asked a girl if she wanted to go to homecoming (school dance) with me and she turned me down. Stating that “she was going to be wearing high heels and she didn’t want to be taller than her date in the photos.” (6) That text rattled me as a young lad and it was my first encounter with the “anti-midget movement” (7) that has become a thing on social media the past few years. So much so, that it’s starting to trickle into the NFL.
3. Honestly though, if you put in your tinder bio (4) that someone needs to be “6-0 or taller” in order to slide into your dm’s, f*** you. As if you would turn down 5-7 Tom Cruise if he slid into your DM’s. 4. Something else that pisses me off about tinder is that every girl thinks their bios are hilarious. We get it, you love Taco Bell and like dogs! (5) 5. No, I am not just pissed off because I have had zero luck on the app… Okay, maybe I am. 6. She might have just been letting me down easy. I was after all… very fat, awkward, and acne riddled. 7. I miss the days when all a girl looked for in a man was a proper gentlemen. Actually, I take that back. Have you ever seen the photos from the 1950’s of guys laying their suit coats in puddles so that girls can walk on top of them?
If you have a problem with his pocket presence, arm strength or decision making, fine. But if a GM’s only reason for passing on Murray is because he is the average height of an American male? That’s dumb. The guy is an electric factory and he showed that he’s no scrub (Stephen A. Smith voice) against Alabama in the Orange Bowl, totaling over 400 total yards and 3 touchdowns.
Over the next few days, NFL GM’s are going to talk themselves out of Murray because of his height and hand measurements at the combine and they are going to regret it. The guy has proven he can play with the big boys and with the NFL finally adopting “college style” offenses, his skills are going to translate to the next level.
People can mock his “shortness” all they want this weekend at the NFL Combine, but the fact of the matter is that it’s not about “the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean,” and this cat can ball. (8)
8. One more thought about the “anti-midget movement”… You know who was only 5-7? Jesus Christ. That’s right, our lord and savior. Deny him in your tinder messages because of his height and see what happens Becky. (PFT)
-Fats (a proud midget).
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